THE TERMINATOR IN A BATHROBE

Apparently The Terminator can wear a bathrobe while going through security and no one blinks and eye. If I were to do this I would be thrown on the floor, raped with a knight stick, fisted if Crazy McBottom was around, and then beat with an old stray broom because I liked it so much. 

This bitch does not mess around, she put on her show, jumped straight into a car, rushed off to the airport and jumped on a flight. I would too if I was in Germany, which was exactly where she had just performed. 

How did that steal bear trap, AKA her Vagina, make it through security? She probably blew everyone or fucked them in order to get through. She's classy.

WHERE'S MY TURKEY LEG?

This annoying bitch opened shop on the streets on NYC to help promote the 3rd season of her talk show, which premieres sometime down the road, I could give a fuckity fuck because I just don't care. She was "making' food for the peeps on the street and passing it out to anyone who wanted a sample.

I would of taken a sample, smelled it, taken a little bite, and then thrown it back in her face before running off screaming like a young boy at Michael Jackson's 50th B-Day party. Jesus Juice and tylenol gel caps for everyone!!!

Put your elephant trunk in my mouth kids. MUALGH

Any way, If this bitch looks like she's getting fucked up the ass while scooping potato salad into a to go container. 

TARD

NOT AGAIN.

My first thought when I saw this cover. Where's the landscaper with lawnmower and can he run this bitch over?

She's in love Ya'll and country. Why does she still think she needs to talk about John Mayer? Didn't they break up in early 2006. You know what that means, she's obsessed and probably stalking him. She probably keep a pair of his used underwear, complete with racing strips cause you know he has those, in the hopes of contacting some South Korean DNA specialist who's willing to clone him. Get over it. He's moved on and prefers fucking someone with brains. 

The clock has been set for this new breakup to take place, because when you publicly declare your love for someone on a magazine cover you are basically throwing the towel in and giving up on the relationship. Trust this, it happens, go through all your old People, Elle, etc...... and count how many couples have broken up. 

60 days max for this couple. TRUST THIS!!!

HAPPY 50TH

Here she is folks in all her glory, complete with wig, pajama bottoms, loafers, a blazer, and Jackie O sunglasses. What a sight!!!

MJ is turning 50 today, yes 50. He's 50. This pic was taking at Plant Hollywood, formerly The Aladdin Hotel, in Vegas the other day. He sure knows how to dress up for an event, he can party down and then fall asleep either in a booth, corner, floor, bathroom, or any other place he wants. 

Such a sad case, I remember have posters on him on my wall, the single sequined gloves, then red leather jacket with all the zipper. It was so awesome. I also remember the photo in National Enquirer of him sleeping in the oxygen chamber only because instead of books I read that trashy tabs. My favorite was Bat Boy, he was in a different location every single week and I think he returned to the NYC Subway tunnels at least once every three months. What a guy.

Any way, He's 50!!!!

FROM THE TARA REID CLOTHING LINE

Here's the latest piece from the Tara Reid clothing line called Mantra. I finally get the name. The clothing line is for Drag Queen. MANtra. Perfect Tara. Two thumbs up your ass.

On a serious note, who the fuck would allow someone to go out in public dressed like this. This is what London will do you folks. Do not ever go there. Trust me on this one. You find a really hot guy then when you get home you realize that he's been attacked by cheese and stinky cheese at that. Totally ruins your appetite and your vacation. 

This is some bitch name Jodie Marsh looking all elegant and shit at some premier. I don't know what she does or how she got famous, but I dress like that all the time and you don't see me getting invited to any red carpet premieres or celebrity parties. The only thing I get invited to it McDonalds for a big mac and hand job under the table. Don't get me wrong those are just as fun.

A TARA REID CLOTHING LINE?

First of fucking all, there are way to many "celebrity" clothing lines it's getting retarded. Not every single person needs a clothing line. I personally find it a bit ironic that someone like Tara Reid has started a clothing line because the bitch usually isn't wearing clothes.

Her clothing line is called Mantra. Whatever the fuck that shit means.

In my opinion her clothing line should be called " I had a promising career, then decided to spread my legs and let anything mount me while getting shit ass drunk everything single night, which quickly turned me into a laughing stock in Hollywood and soon after that I couldn't find anyone who wanted to hire me." 

And those airbrushed/photoshopped pictures of her around the room do not fucking help to sell the clothes, they only thing those are good for are memories as she will NEVER look remotely close to those pictures again. 

She totally fucked her career. See what alcohol will do kids. Now bring me a drink STAT!!!!

TWINKIE FIGHT

You know this bitch got the black eye from a twinkie fight. TRUST.  Here's the real story.

She had a bunch of her friends over to her London flat and after a night of dancing, doing lines of coke, purging on "crisps", and just having a hell of time everyone freaked the fuck out when Kelly realized that she only had one twinkie left in the box.

This threw the entire party into complete chaos as all of her friends forced her into a corner while she held onto the twinkie for dear life. She didn't want to let it go and had no idea what to do when all the sudden she tried to make a dive for it and ended up butting heads with another fat friend of hers causing her eye to blacken and her face to swell. Trust this, her face did swell, but due to her fatness you couldn't even tell. 

I know twinkie fights happen, and not only in John Travolta and Crazy McBottom's bedroom usually those twinkie fights are over boys that just turned 18 the day before, just like turkey leg fights happen. 

Any way. I hope her fat head is okay.